Where'd You Get Those Eyes?

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Last night I had strange dreams again... The one that's most immediate in my memory is one where I came down this staircase into a large open foyer/living area where there were a lot of children of various ages and heights milling around aimlessly. Most of them were in some form of formal wear and there was an air of malevolence about them. There was one young boy who looked about 6, maybe, who appeared to be the leader. Someone else who I was with walked up to him and removed one of the pairs of glasses he was wearing (I think he may have been wearing two of them) and suddenly he and all the other children started acting confused, as though they couldn't see where they were going and were somehow connected mentally to this one boy. The boy kept on asking for his eyes, he couldn't see, what had happened to his eyes. Then, for some reason, the guy who had removed them gave them back to the boy. These children meant us harm, so I was kind of ticked that he had given them back to the kid, lol.

The other dream I remember is being in a "mall" of sorts that had a display of art from the late 1800s of photography featuring African American subjects, that I think may have also been taken by African Americans. Many of the prints were of a fairly risque nature, and I can remember accidentally stepping on/tripping over one framed photograph... I then walked over and there were photographs of people from the artistic fringe involved in music, film and photography from the 60s and the 80s. A lot of the colors and the film quality reminded me of the 60s, yet the subjects either most definitely were from the 80s. I recall that at one point on the television at home/at the mall (?) a program was coming on VH1 celebrating these characters and having some kind of countdown and they were going to talk about James St. James. I got really excited and ran and found my younger sister and then we both got really excited, like, "Ah!, Yay!", kind of excited ^_^. There was a fellow there with us, I think my boyfriend, who was rather confused and just had to ask who James St. James was, lol. And then I also remember a random shot from the countdown thingy talking to some random fan/guy who went and got a cross between a Boy George and Cyndi Lauper haircut, lol. A little odd...

A few nights ago I had a really random dream where I was with a man who had the power to go and repossess cars who's owners did not make or could not keep up with their payments. It wasn't like that was his job, he just had that privilege. Anyway, he walked up to this dark green newer model Jaguar, got in, and I got in with him. I remember going for the ride and thinking how fabulously the car drove. I could literally feel the way the car rode - it was an incredibly smooth ride and I remember thinking how awesome it was to be riding in a Jaguar. Perhaps a little astral joyriding? Hehe :).

Well, that's all for now folks...

~♥~

That Skinny Bitch

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

I was watching a television program this morning when the topic of weight, most notably that of being too thin, came up for discussion. One of the hosts spoke up in defense of the thin people saying that a lot of people are very hateful towards those thin individuals oftentimes because they are envious and jealous. I for one would have to agree.

There is countless support for "thick" girls out there battling their body issues, a movement which has arisen as a retaliation against the American media and society's obsession with thinness and its perception of "beauty". As a thicker girl with curves myself I am all for this. However, I am not one of those girls who hates the skinny girl because of her weight. If I don't want heckles and criticisms with my natural shape, why would I endorse or participate in that same hateful behavior to someone with the opposite shape? When I see the curvy or the overweight (indeed, you CAN be overweight, not just "curvy") make fun of and be cruel to someone smaller than them it upsets me. If the explanation that your shape is natural is an acceptable one, then that should also be acceptable for girls of a smaller size. If you have something cruel or jeering to say to someone who is a size 2 versus your size 10, then you should at least have the backbone to admit that what you're saying IS in fact coming from a place of envy and insecurity.

I really cannot stand hypocrisy in any form. I am not perfect and I have faults like anyone else, but I will accept and acknowledge mine. I accept people of all shapes, sizes, colors and sexualities and I think it's high time that a lot more people started doing the same.

~♥~

I Had a Dream...

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

The first dream that I had last night involved my mother, but I can't remember much about it now. The dream I had after that involved Mountain Lion. Mountain Lion is one of my totems and is representative of leadership qualities. I really wish I could remember more of it, but for now that's it. Maybe it will come back to me more and more throughout the day... The dream I had after that I remember more of. I was a checkout cashier for a store like WalMart and was having to ring up people on my register. I had to push a lot of buttons even though it was my first day and I didn't really know what I was doing because I hadn't been given any training yet. I remember this elderly black man in particular who spoke to me while I was ringing up his things, and he seemed rather wise, but I can't remember what he talked to me about. Afterward, I again saw my mother and then I can vaguely recall walking into a large, palacial indoor swimming pool area that had columns all up and down either side with a great deal of plant life everywhere. It's like it was open-air, but closed in, I don't know how to explain it. And there were people there, like a meeting or something, but I'm not sure what of. It was very light and airy in there, with grays and whites...

But, in other life news, I'm beginning to feel a bit more centered. I feel like my relationship is truly in the best spot it's ever been and it's such a comfort to have him there in my life. I also feel a little more clear in my career objectives. I feel that archaeology is the best option for me. I think it would interest me and keep my brain and body active enough for me to not feel stale. I could pursue artistic interests while doing things of a more academic nature. I also have been feeling a bit more inclined recently to write as well. I wrote a poem about a week ago or so that I was rather happy with (see my Deviant Art link). I've also gotten an idea for a watercolor as well. Life feels pretty good right about now :).

I've also just recently, this past weekend, officially become a redheaded stepchild, lol. My dad got remarried to a very lovely woman in a very lovely church service. I was even a bridesmaid. I got to see a lot of family that I hadn't seen in years, and my boyfriend was able to make it too, so I really had fun :)...

Oh! Placebo just released a new music video yesterday and I really liked it. Their new album sounds quite a bit different than their last, but I'm enjoying it so far. Manson also released a new single and I love it. So far, it appears that music this summer isn't going to suck ^_^.

But anyway, I think that's really all I have to say for the moment. I need to head over to my work study :).

~♥~

I'm having a Prufrock moment.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

So lately, I've been contemplating career choices. It may seem like an odd decision, but I am having the damndest time trying to decide between archaeology and a career in the arts. True, I could be an Archaeologist and an Artist simultaneously. However, becoming an Archaeologist requires more schooling and more money. If I find out I don't like the profession I will have wasted all that time and money on nothing. Yet, would I regret not doing it? On the other hand, having a career in a design career wouldn't require as much money and I would be able to get a job in a variety of locations. And yet, my self-confidence is the hindrance on this one. Am I really that good and that creative enough to sustain such a career? I'm told all the time that I'm good at art, yet I'm usually the last one to believe it and am constantly doubting myself. I fear that this fear and indecision will lead me to a stale and meaningless existence, and yet I still can't reach a decision.

I feel rather directionless in life and wish there was something that I could turn to and ask, "What am I supposed to be doing with my life??", and get a clear answer back. I'm trying to work on reaching a decision, but it seems as soon as I get comfortable with something I become dissatisfied with it and want to move on to something else. I'm interested in so many different things. How on earth am I ever going to pick just one thing to devote my life to? Everyone else makes this look so easy...

I don't want to have simply measured my life out in coffee spoons.